Speaking in public

I was reminded recently (and am being continually reminded) on how far I have come in terms of public speaking.... What brought about this reminder was through this training I'm doing... What I'm doing is learning how to be a bodypump instructor.. Part of it is learning how to coach and instruct a class through various exercises... Somebody made a passing comment about my passing the assessment well was that I was comfortable speaking.... %#@*%&!!! I did not know how to react cause that is NO WAY that I was comfortable speaking... granted that this person didn't know me very well... but the years of struggle of tears and sweat in my battling my fear of public speaking... SPEECHLESS!!

To bring it back to the beginning... Waaaayyyy back when I was still in school... There was a time when I had to say something in front of the class... I froze up and could not utter a word.. to the point that I can't even remember my name... I stood up there for a few minutes and sat back down again without saying a word..

Ever since then I was terrified to talk in front a group of people.. yup.. terrified in terms of feeling nausea and cold sweat and all.. I could talk to people, no problem.. I could even talk in bible study discussions... I could even be in plays and sing on stage... but ask me to stand in front of a group of people and talk... NO WAY!

I know that the fear of public speaking is very common and it is usually the fear of the unknown... but here I am, fearing something that history will repeat itself and I'll make a fool out of myself again...

As I grew up, I avoided anything that would require me to speak in front of a crowd... (not easy feat as I was in Singapore and US schooling system as well as being a church ministry leader)... When I was 19/20, I felt that God wanted me to really share my testimonial of what He has done in my life... How am I going to do that?!? I really struggled with this... THERE IS NO WAY I WAS GOING TO STAND UP AND TALK! God was everloving persistent and continually reminded me that when I'm up there, it is not me... I'm just the vessel for Him... I still remember the back and forth struggle I had with myself and God... but slightly after my 21st birthday, I stood up in church and talked about my journey as a Christian...

That was probably one of the hardest thing I have ever done! It wasn't a great speach, it wasn't that hundreds of people came to Christ, it wasn't anything spectacular other than the fact that I ALLOWED GOD TO BE BIGGER THAN MY FEAR... I was so drained after that I took a looonngg nap :D

In the subsequent years, I continually struggle with it.. I still get nausea and still break out in cold sweat... but I was determined to "cliche-ly" say that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...

Today, I'm still not a good public speaker... but I can talk in front of people without looking like a fool... When I hear the casual comment of me being comfortable, I was really angry as IT IS SO NOT COMFORTABLE FOR ME... and that in someways, the tears and sweat are discounted... but then I realised that Wow! God has really brought me so far that someone thinks I'm comfortable....

With this bodypump training, I'm learning about voice modulations, what commands work, how to take control of the class' attention... (well, there is the whole physical aspect of the training as well)... Of course there is much more work to be done and more room to improve... but Glory be to God who has brought me this far and Is continually bringing me further!